sentimental note

Suami yang seperti apa?

2013 kalau ga salah, seorang teman bertanya begini :

“Emang kamu mau suami yang kayak gimana, Rid?”

Waktu itu saya malamnya abis nonton video ustadz felix dan terinspirasi, jadinya saya jawab :

“Aku mau suami yang mencintai Allah lebih dari segalanya..”

Mendengar itu,kening teman saya malah berkerut..

“Lha kalo gitu dia ga cinta kamu dong?” Tanyanya balik..saya cuma ketawa, bingung juga menjelaskannya gimana..

Cinta pada makhluk, begitu cepat pudarnya. Seumur hidup udah sering lihat pasangan putus,cerai dan jadi saling membenci,padahal pada awalnya mereka begitu mencintai.

Tapi kalau ada cinta pada Allah di hati manusia, maka ia akan memperlakukan pasangannya dengan mulia, melindunginya dari aib, menjaga pandangannya dari yang tidak halal baginya..

Sampai sekarang saya masih mengharapkan kriteria pasangan yang sama, tapi diri ini masih kampret begini..ini mah ibarat pungguk merindukan bulan banget..huhu..

Sekarang do’anya, jikalau diberi Allah kesempatan bertemu di dunia,semoga saya dan jodoh jadi orang-orang yang selalu istiqomah memperbaiki diri..semoga di saat nanti dipertemukan dalam keadaan baik di mata Allah…aamiin

daily life · sentimental note

Pelajaran dari job-seeking

Assalamu’alaikum..

sekedar ingin update tentang hidup saya belakangan ini, demi jika ada umur nanti di masa depan, yang terjadi sekarang akan jadi pelajaran berharga dalam fase hidup saya.

First thing first, saya ga lulus beasiswa S3 yang saya apply, karena saya telat submit nilai toefl. Ini kesalahan saya, karena setengah-setengah dan kurang niat dalam ngerjain semua hal, termasuk ngurus beasiswa ini. Hikmahnya, saya harus beneran niat kalo ngelakuin sesuatu.

Karena ga lulus tadi, saya mendedikasikan diri saya untuk nyari kerja, terhitung dari bulan Agustus. Jadi kerjaan saya sekarang adalah mencari kerja,hihi. Sambil ikutan Kuliah Intensif Ekonomis Islam di UI, semacam short course lah.

Desak-desakan ikut job fair,apply sana sini, lulus administrasi ini,ini dan ini, ikut tes , lulus disini, gagal disana. Ninggalin tes ini, demi tes itu karena jadwalnya bersamaan tapi tes itu udah tahap 2…in the end, tes tadi ga lulus.

Jujur, saya ga pernah mengalami hal yang kayak gini sebelumnya. Lulus s1 saya ngajar PAUD, lulus s2 pun saya males-malesan nyari kerja. Bisa dihitung pake jari dalam satu tangan saya ngelamar dimana aja, itu pun karena diinfokan Bapak terus. Tapi, karena saya dari lama pengen masuk HS-sekolah tempat saya mengajar sebelumnya- (bahkan waktu masih kuliah aja saya udah ngelamar), saya ngotot apply, alhamdulillah keterima, dan tahapan tesnya pun ga panjang-panjang amat.

Sekarang, saya ngerasain nikmatnya rasa senang ketika baca nama tercantum sebagai peserta yang lulus tahap 1/2/3, ngerasain sedih dan kecewa ketika ga lulus di tahap tertentu, terakhir,yang paling menyiksa adalah perasaan bersalah dan insecure karena belum dapat kerja.

Tapi, dari semua proses yang saya (masih) alami itu, saya menarik beberapa pelajaran berharga :

Banyak yang butuh kerjaan

yang ngaggur banyak,yang nyari kerja banyak, yang ga puas sama kerjaannya sekarang banyak….banyak…dan saya tidak sendiri.

usia bukan batasan

percayalah, dari semua tes yang sudah saya ikuti, rata-rata pesertanya kelahiran tahun 94 dan 95,saya nelan ludah berkali-kali dan meringis dalam hati,ampun deh saya ketuaan ya buat nyari kerja, temen2 saya mah udah jd manager umur segini. Dingdong…aku salah..

di salah satu tes BUMN misalnya, saya kenalan dengan beberapa peserta yang lahir tahun 88,89,90…ada yang udah kerja tp diputus kontraknya, ada yang udah kerja tapi gajinya ga memadai untuk rencana masa depannya (misal :nikah)…bahkan di tes yang lain saya barengan dengan bapak-bapak usia 65 tahun yang udah pensiun lama dan karena beberapa hal terpaksa harus nyari kerja lagi…..trus saya masih ngerasa masalah hidup saya paling berat? ga lah ya.

Pantang menyerah

Sekali, dua kali,tiga kali gagal mah belum apa-apa. Sodara saya ada yang harus ngelamar ke 80 perusahaan dulu baru akhirnya dapat kerja, kalau gagal yang penting move on. Lamar terus ke yang lain padahal saya mah maunya dilamar  .

and after all, ini pastilah rencana terbaik dari Allah, kalau memang bukan rizqi saya, ya ga akan jadi punya saya….apapun itu, insyaa Allah saya tidak mau berputus asa dari rahmatNya 🙂

segini dulu, wassalamu’alaikum 🙂

 

personal · sentimental note

Move on and Let Go

Assalamu’alaikum
kayaknya postingan-postingan beberapa bulan belakangan ini gloomy semua
mungkin ini saatnya hidup dalam kenyataan , kayak yang Haruto bilang “Let’s live in the now, not in the past”, melepaskan dan mengikhlaskan semua yang telah terjadi dan saatnya menata diri dan berusaha keras untuk apa yang akan menanti di depan sana,seperti kata Queen Elsa di lagunya “The past is in the past”.

Dan buat nambah satu quote lagi, ini dari Grouplove dalam lagunya Betty’s a bombshell

“It’s okay, all the suffering obliterate at speed. Don’t you wait, for the faster you let go, you will receive what you need”

See you again, insyaAllah 🙂

personal · pre-school teaching · sentimental note

Why can’t I…

Assalamu’aikum

Today I heard my student complain about how he couldn’t open his own tumbler.
He screamed  in frustration “Why can’t I open my own bottle while other kids can?!!!!”
He cried, throwing everything to here and there……

and I was like…..
silenced…

Do I look like that sometime?
Hating my self for what I can’t do,screaming and getting furious over random things and cry,trying to get attention and hoping a salvation will come…

while I actually…
just didn’t work hard enough to overcome the problems..

phew, so random…

Okay, see you

family · personal · sentimental note · spiritual note

Dear mommy..

Assalamu’alaikum ibu.
This is my first unsent letter to you.
You won’t read this, you’ll never do so,but my sentiment brought me here.
Happy belated birthday, I love you 🙂
Your birthday was 5 days ago,finally, I did it! I finally found pink carnations to buy. The flower that I’ve always thought I will give it for you someday, my bad, I only find them recently.
Soon, it will be two years after you left. There’s so many things that already changed, in a good way.
We’re getting closer to Allah, I’m now a changed woman, lil bro is getting mature. We’re much calmer than before, even though shown his helpless belligerent rage sometimes :p
but bu, I’m still a lazy ass as always, you might cry if you’re still alive, hehe.
I’m amazed that you don’t throw me away at early age, because everybody knows that I made no use to you. I’m lazy,never get anything right, yet you still loved me, and for that I’m more than grateful.
You know bu, there are many times I’m still hoping for you to be alive, seems like I and lil bro couldn’t get used to it yet. I miss you bu. I keep remembering when you tried to woke me up by tapping my nose, and when I opened my eyes,you said :
“you have no idea how much I love you, don’t you?”
 My eyes will got teary everytime I think or talk about you.
 However we’ve been trying our best to be ikhlas, because we really love you. May Allah bless us continuously and may us reunited in His jannah. Aamiin.
Being born as your daughter is one of the best blessing I received from Allah SWT. Alhamdulillahirabbil’alamin.
Thank you for patiently took care of me.
May Allah bless you and forgives your mistakes.
with so much love and prayers,
your only daughter 🙂
 
 

 

friends · personal · sentimental note · thoughts

Their sweet condo,marriage life and other stories to tell :)

Assalamu’alaikum everyone..
I hope you’re in the best condition of health and iman. Happy holiday.

It’s semester break for me already. I have done my final exams, submitted my master thesis proposal, submitted all assignments, so the next task only to wait for my proposal screening schedule which somehow can be really unpredictable.
 Last week my brother was here,we got some quick escapades in Jakarta, then he left on Dec 25, and now I’m pretty much lonely and got nothing to do now.Ahem

Also last week, Bumen,Hanichu and I finally visited mbapika for the first time after she got married. Her condo is wayyyyy too far from my place,which means the distance is in our way to meet more often.
After being misguided by google maps, crossing the way which shouldn’t be crossed,we’re finally there. *feeling accomplished*

The condo is small yet very neat,clean and so mbapika. It reminds me a lot of our roommate era and when she stayed with Hanichu.
At glance,nothing really change. She’s still mbapika we know, her laugh,her pouting face,her gestures,her habits,except for the baby bump in her belly,masyaAllah. Yes, insyaAllah we’ll be aunties next year,alhamdulillah 🙂

What actually changed is that she’s now having completely different life which is too complicated for my league. Ahheeee. I can’t believe the roommate I once lived with,now talk and think about complicated things like their relationship as husband and wife, planning for future house,buying lands, her family financial planning, and how to raise baby of course,not to mention how she deals with her pregnancy. Which is really hard to catch,considering I’m still behaving like a kid,while my bestfriend literally will have a kid. OTL

Unfortunately, I forget to take a picture of her condo. I took a picture of Hani and Bumen instead.

They were imitating the bride and groom pose in their wedding photosoot,much to mbapika’s chagrin x))))
also unfortunately,I don’t have the original version and I couldn’t take good picture because I was terribly shaking and awed seeing their pose,and it’s turn out to be not that good, but they are cute,yes? 😀

Alsooooooooo….talking about thesis now. I choose a topic based on my passion now. What’s my passion? of course it’s “early childhood education”, then in what way it’s related to financial management? well well, it’s best to not reveal it until got the approval, I think.
And it’s part of Bumen,Mbapika,Hanichu and my dream,actually. Hopefully the thesis will be useful for us in the future. aamiin…
Sooner,there’ll be ‘master thesis journal’ tag in this blog, I suppose.

To end this post, let me be thankful about how Allah put me in Presuniv back then, to meet these wonderful people. I was really lucky. They are friends,partners, and older sisters to me at the same time. I miss them so much because we can’t meet frequently unless we make serious planning like weeks before. Looking forward to meet them again.

For now,wassalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh 🙂

personal · sentimental note · spiritual note

I’m a sinner :(

Assalamu’alaikum everyone..
My mood is actually go up and down uncontrollably now.
I keep making sins eventhough I already promise in every shalah that I wont do the same mistakes again,still I failed :(((
..and to think that Allah is really really good to me yet I still being half-assed in loving Him makes me look like I’m the dumbest human being on Earth….

And remember Zun-nun,when he departed in wrath: He imagined that We had no power over him! But he cried through the depths of darkness,“There is no God but thou: glory to thee: I was indeed wrong!”    [QS Al-Anbiya :87]

I pray so hard that there’s forgiveness for me this time…
Astaghfirullah…
I”m sorry for those who read this, this so emo,but I need to write this down
May Allah bless us all…