Tak Berkategori

Vital point

Just ignore the title. Lol. This might be an emotional post, also might be not.

Finally me and my parents have come to settlement, come in peace, and (hopefully) they started to see me clearly, no longer clouded by their own judgment. 

It takes a little tantrum (from me), heated arguing,cry and tears, hugs, and finally understanding “you’re free to do whatever you want.”

I feel really sorry for my dad, really. He’s a wonderful Dad,I’m so thankful and I couldn’t ask for more. The thought of making him sad killing me everytime, tore me to to pieces and it’s so painful, but I also can’t bring my self to live his expectation. 

In the age of almost 26, he expect me to have brilliant career in prestigious company, adult mindset, spouse, kids..just like his friends’ children..

I just can’t..I just don’t want it, I can’t find the drive from my self..hours and hours of seeing therapist are still not effective (I’m getting better, I’m sure).

I also don’t like when my dad and step mom start to compare my self with somebody whom they think is way better than me (my friends also do that, I hate it I swear!!!). In which, the comparison might cause me mental breakdown.

So one morning my dad and I having breakfast. After all the tantrum in previous day and I told him to start to see me clearly, this is me, your child, who loves you more than anyone else,but can’t live your expectation. Please accept me…

He said “okay, you’re free to do whatever you want, and I will support you”..

I hope he really mean it…but I’m so relieved..after all these years, after all these years..

I also will learn to accept my self..

I belive there’s a beautiful hikmah behind all these life episodes..and I believed what Allah has planned for me are the best for my need..